Well, my second post is long overdue, not because my grieving has eased off. In fact, I had been so bogged down by my heavy heart for most of the past few days, it is hard to think of writing even though putting my thoughts in words might help me escape and bring some solace. 

During these last few days some old friends and colleagues have arranged to meet up to talk and listen to me.  It warms my heart at least during the time we had spent together, to know they care.  My three children, who are now quite grown - aged 18 to 26 are clearly trying to spend more time with their old man  during the last few days but I sometimes wonder how they can make light of so many moments, and continue to laugh and joke so shortly after such a terrible loss.  Perhaps they were putting an act, hiding the pain so they can bring some cheer into their troubled and sorrowful father.  I know I need to cherish these moments I have with my three children, even as a vital part of the team is sadly missing.  Losing my wife, Jenny is bad enough but things may go from bad to worse and I should know by now, not to ever take anything for granted as one bad experience would not exempt me from another worse turn of events. I remind myself each time that life can be short, fleeting and fragile - here today and gone tomorrow, like my Gone Girl, whose life was cut too early, prematurely at a time when she has so much to look forward to. And likewise it could be for my remaining loved ones, so I should treasure the time they can avail themselves to me, keeping me company and helping me ride through my emotional roller-coaster journey.

But when all my kids were with me, whether sharing a meal together or just sitting around to talk about the day,  such occasions  ache my heart even more when I look at the empty chair where Jenny would be seated.  Jenny is most happy when the family are all together.  I could always sense the sheer joy and satisfaction emanating from within her, through her eyes, tell-tale smile and how she sits, all perked up even as she would usually remain quiet, but attentive to all the bantering and chattering amongst her flock, each time when the family were all together. Times like this I missed her terribly.  The band is incomplete and much as my kids try, it is hard for me to hide the pain, and they would sense that Dad is hurting.