Jenny’s first death anniversary is fast
approaching. Less than 2 weeks away. Somehow for heavy-hearted grieving husbands
like me, anniversaries take on a special emotional significance.
In the past I have never dwelled much on anniversaries.
Not for my birthday or even for our wedding anniversaries, shameful to say. Those
days come and go without much fuss or fanfare. After all we always had each
other. But I never envisioned that our days of blissful togetherness would be so
numbered. And to run down so quickly.
Grief has a way of turning a despairing
widower into a chronically inveterate clock-watcher. Never before have I been
so time conscious. I found myself keeping count of each day gone.
And why not?
I was enduring her total absence. It is a
strange new existence. Like today, being the 351st day into this new
era of lost coupledom. Of life without her.
I have already accepted that this is all part
of the “new normal” for me. And recent dates like 13th of March
reminded me of the day, exactly a year ago when she was hospitalised and never
got to return home again. Dates like 21st of October, when her scan
results confirmed her to be the latest cancer statistic and we bade farewell to
the carefree halcyon days we had been blessed with for so long, up till then.
And dates like 17th April that is looming near, when she drew her
final breath, making her curtain call from the stage of life. Anniversaries take on a new meaning for the
newly bereaved. It sounds sad, but it is part of our new normal.
I am mindful also of a rather huge decision
to make with her anniversary looming near. Should I mark the occasion in the
obituary section of our national news-paper? It will not be trivial from a cost
point of view, granted the increasing prices to take out advertising space in
the widely circulated English daily, the only one in our small country. More so, I was grappling with a lot of what-fors?
What would I be trying to prove? Do I really need to tell and show the world I
miss her? People who close to me knew that well enough. Those more distant
would probably care little and how many would even notice the print?
But it did not take me long to decide. This
is her first anniversary. I could not let it come and go without marking it in
print. Shoot me if nobody else cared. I will not stinge on the expense. Jenny
would have preferred prudence, but I knew I would regret big-time if I missed
putting a notice in the obituaries for her, come that day.
I immediately got down to compose the words for
the obituary, to best describe my anguish of losing and missing her over the
year. The passage has to be trim and
concise. I realised also that this tribute has to be recorded collectively. I
cannot be selfish even as at times, it seemed like I am grieving alone. Our
children and her immediate family are also bearing the pain of her loss. And
Jenny is also remembered fondly by her many friends and colleagues. The death anniversary
notice will include them all.
I typed out the following passage and saved
it in a document, along with my favourite picture of her, the one taken at the
Blue Mountains in Australia. I am sure that picture will be the one most
fitting to use. Nearer to the date, I
will send the document to the newspaper for print. Having decided, I felt more
at peace.
It has been a year since you left us
But not a day passes without our hearts aching for you
And missing you, your gentle ways and tender smile, your
kindness of heart
A light once so bright, sadly shines no more
But wonderful wife, loving mother and caring daughter and
sister that you were,
We will always remember, and you will always be loved,
Forever, you remain, endeared within
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