First anniversary

Since Jenny’s passing on, anniversaries take a new significance. Dates like the 21^st October, which slipped by last week.  That was the day that the doctor confirmed that Jenny had 4^th stage gastric cancer.

So it has been a year since cancer intruded into our lives and turned our world upside down. Looking back, much as I try, it is hard to take anything positive from this past year - the numerous trips to the clinic, the anxiety awaiting each scan report, watching her bear the pain and misery of each chemo treatment. And now, enduring each day of life without her.  It has truly been a wretched year. One I would like to forget.

But there lies the irony.  Far from being done and dusted, this last year would be the one to be remembered and cherished for the rest of my days. For this was when my dearest Jenny took her bow from the stage we call Life. How significant is that?

So the more I try to forget, the deeper the memories would etch in my head. Ironic, but that is how the mind works.

Times like this, I retreat to this blog site. To take refuge and find solace. A year back, I would have never imagined at any point in my life found the need to write a journal. What a difference a year had make.

Now this blog site is turning to be like an old friend. But I wonder if I am getting addicted to it. Like some kind of drug.  At some point I should learn to resist and break out from this newly acquired habit that is becoming  a regular feature in my cycle of grief. Habits have a nasty way of determining destiny. Not that I am overly concerned about how my future would pan out. After all what future do I really look forward to at this stage of my life?

So I am contemplating of weaning myself from this blog.  It warrants further explanation, if not to anyone but to myself at least and I might have to think through this decision a little harder.  Next posting, perhaps?